Top Headlines from the NATIONAL Q INQUIRER
REEOCH FINALLY MASTERS THE FORCES OF EVIL!!!!
...SAYS MILLIONS WILL DIE BY HIS HAND!

Bloomington- Utter chaos has erupted around the world at the news that Rich Anderson, now known as Reeoch The Mutilator, has grasped the powers of evil and has gained control of the minds of countless innocent victims. Said to have grown to an amazing ten-story height, Reeoch has begun a crusade to reign terror upon all of humanity. Local Army and Air Force units were called upon yesterday to quell the mass panic and mayhem that looms over the heads of this sad nation, only to be smashed into meatcakes by his seemingly limitless power. All attempts to communicate with Reeoch have been met with disaster, as the untouched photo below shows.

Early this morning, a letter written in blood was delivered to the White House by his army of headless corpses, stating that all will perish that oppose him on the bloody trail to his throne.
Steve Bedwell, a known enemy of the Anderson family, could not be reached for comment. However, his girlfriend said that he was seen urinating on himself while watching the carnage unfold on television, and has disappeared.